


Vulcan Inquisitor

by VanillaHorizon



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition, Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Crack Crossover, Gen, Humor, One Shot, Snarky Trip Tucker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24466351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VanillaHorizon/pseuds/VanillaHorizon
Summary: An away team heads down to a relatively unknown planet to study some possible anomalies, but little does the crew know that their departure from the Enterprise would set forth a chain of events that would leave T'Pol with a glowing hand and the rest of their away team feeling very out of place.(Presently only a crackfic one-shot, but may be built upon further in the future)(Rated teen and up for adult language)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 18





	Vulcan Inquisitor

T'Pol only glanced up from her work for a second to address the captain as he walked into the room.

"A Class M planet I take it?" Archer asked, to which Hoshi quickly confirmed before reading off some of the important data they had on the planet.

He then turned his attention back to T'Pol.

"What else have you got?"

"There appear to be several spacial anomalies slowly forming on the surface of this planet," T'Pol said.

A somewhat confused expression came across his face but only for a moment.

"Any idea what's causing it?" he asked after a second.

"That is presently unclear," she admitted as she read something on the console and tapped a few more buttons.

"It appears further study may be required to come to a conclusive answer." She tilted her head slightly to the side for a second before she continued tapping away.

If Jonathan didn't know any better, he would've said that she looked a bit confused at that moment.

"Well, maybe you should gather a group and head down to take a look," Archer suggested.

T'Pol inclined her head slightly before straightening her posture and speaking.

"We would have to be very cautious with our equipment, seeing as the natives are most likely still quite primitive."

"Still?" he asked.

T'Pol nodded an affirmation, "Yes, a Vulcan has made contact with the natives in the past, though it was well over a century ago and he was not able to be retrieved."

"I take it there's a story behind that," Archer guessed.

T'Pol inclined her head but said nothing else on the matter.

"Aside from them being primitive, I don't see a reason why we couldn't go take a look at the anomalies," Hoshi told them from her station.

"I'd personally enjoy the chance to see some of the native wildlife, the reports say there are some rather strange animal DNA combinations," Malcolm pointed out as he continued to read something on his screen.

Archer smiled at T'Pol, "See that?" he started, "You already have two volunteers to go down with you."

"Very well, Hoshi, Lieutenant Reed, we will depart when you are ready," she told the two humans before leaving the bridge.

"And take Trip with you if he's not too busy!" Archer called after the Vulcan woman.

When he turned back around, he found Malcolm looking at him curiously.

"What?" he asked his lieutenant, to which Malcolm smiled and shook his head.

"To be fair, he is the one who has been talking about wanting to get out more," Hoshi said.

Little did they know that their departure from the Enterprise would set forth a chain of events that would leave T'Pol with a glowing hand and the rest of their away team feeling very out of place.

***

"We're getting a distress signal from the neighboring galaxy, will you four be okay down there for a few days while we go check it out?"

"Yea, Captain, we'll be fine, don't worry, T'Pol will keep us all in check," Trip replied, giving T'Pol a cheeky smirk.

"Alright, just be careful down there, Archer out."

***

T'Pol could not remember much of anything after arriving on the surface with the away team, aside from the call from Archer asking if they would be fine on their own for a few days.

She awoke sitting in what appeared to be an outdated holding cell.

The cell had a rather horrid stench that made the smell of her human crewmates pale in comparison.

The first thing that she noticed were the metal restraints holding her in place.

The second thing that she noticed had intrigued her much more.

Four men were dressed in head to toe metallic garb, pointing weapons at her.

The green light and tingling in her hand grabbed her attention as she silently studied the four guards.

Before she could examine it closer, the door opened and in strode two human women.

The brunette looked much angrier than the redhead.

T'Pol almost asked why she appeared to be a prisoner but the brunette didn't give her the chance to do so.

"Tell me why we shouldn't kill you now."

She almost spoke up to defend herself but the human did not let her get a word in edgewise.

"The Conclave is destroyed and everyone who attended is dead, except for you." If T'Pol hadn't known better, she would've been worried that the human was going to start growling at her.

"I take it that you believe I'm responsible," T'Pol guessed.

Instead of replying, the dark-haired woman grabbed ahold of her and pulled the glowing hand up in front of her.

"Explain this!" she yelled.

"I would if I could, but seeing as I do not even know what _this_ is, I can not explain it to you."

The woman was beyond emotional if her facial expression was anything to go by, "What do you mean, _you can't_?" she asked.

"I mean I do not know what this is, nor how it got here, therefore I can not explain it."

"You're lying!" the woman raised her arm to strike T'pol but the redhead intervened before she could do so.

"We need her, Cassandra," this woman's accent was much different than the other woman's own.

For a second, the room was quiet, until T'Pol finally spoke up.

"I am curious as to what happens now." it wasn't a direct question, but T'Pol decided against trying to argue her innocence, seeing as the brunette had apparently already decided she was guilty of whatever crimes had been committed.

The redhead shifted on foot before speaking.

"Do you remember what happened, how this began?"

At first, T'Pol didn't recall much beyond reaching the surface and starting scans on one of the anomalies with the crew members she had brought with her, but as she thought back, rather blurry memories slowly started to surface.

"I recall running from something, things I can't place, they were chasing me before a woman reached out to me but then," T'Pol trailed off a bit as she became a bit lost in thought.

She tried to recall more beyond those events but found nothing.

***

Subtly, as Cassandra guided her outside, she had looked around for any sign of those familiar blue uniforms nearby but found nothing of the such.

Not long after being led out the door, she got a look at what must've been one of the spacial anomalies that they had come to study.

The only difference was that this one appeared to be at a much more advanced state than when she had last seen one.

This one was visible and seemingly trying to stretch across the entire sky.

Should she have been a human then she would've likely fallen to her knees in pain when the thing on her hand pulsated rather viciously.

T'Pol found herself thankful that she had trained in hand to hand combat when she and Cassandra had come face to face with some very unfriendly creatures.

After Cassandra noticed the blade in T'Pol's hands, however, she became rather hostile but T'Pol quickly pointed out that she was merely protecting herself and that it was quite possible she would need to do so again.

The human reluctantly agreed that she needed the means to protect herself before they continued on their way.

***

When T'Pol first caught a glimpse of the bald man's ears she realized what those audio files had meant when the unretrieved Vulcan man had mentioned the natives thinking that he was _one of them_.

She found herself relieved that she had taken the time to listen to said audio files when she found out that Archer wished to take a look at the nearby Class M planet where there appeared to be some strange things going on.

The very same planet she was now standing on with no sign of her fellow crewmembers anywhere.

***

Soon enough, T'Pol had found out that the mark was defined as magic to the native people and that said magic had been trying to kill her while she was unconscious.

"Demons ahead!" Solas warned them.

She was at least glad to know what the vicious creatures were called by the natives, even if the things were trying to kill her.

***

Internally, T'Pol was yearning for a warm bed as they walked along the frozen riverbed, fighting demons occasionally.

She was also wondering how Varric could stand exposing nearly his whole chest to the elements.

"You're Dalish, but clearly away from the rest of your clan," Solas pointed out.

"Did they send you here?" he asked as they walked.

Without turning her attention to him she replied with a short answer.

"I am not Dalish."

Her answer seemingly caught him off guard, but he recovered quickly and asked another question.

"You are a city elf from one of the alienages then?"

"No."

This answer intrigued him beyond the expressionless look on her face.

He had never met a modern elf who did not identify as one or the other.

Varric couldn't help but insert himself into the conversation after the revelation that she was not a city elf nor a Dalish one.

"Does that mean you're a member of the Qun?" 

Before she could reply, he had started speaking again.

"I mean that would make sense with you being so stoic and especially with how you give those short, to the point answers that don't reveal much of anything."

To that she did not reply, she only glanced at the short man from the corner of her eye and raised an eyebrow to him.

"I'll take that as a yes, seeing as you're just as talkative as the rest of your people," Varric said before finally giving up on making conversation with the Vulcan.

***

When T'Pol finally found herself in a position where she had enough privacy to attempt to contact anyone, she took that opportunity.

"T'Pol to Enterprise, please respond." No reply came.

"I repeat, T'Pol to Enterprise, do you read me?"

Shaking her head she tried a third time, "Does anyone read me?" again, no one responded.

***

The natives had started calling her their Herald, apparently chosen by their divinity.

She found herself with a strange power embedded within the flesh of her hand and with no way of knowing if the members of the crew she had arrived with were safe or even alive.

Time passed and she grew more concerned about the effect she might have on the natives should she simply disappear if she did manage to contact the Enterprise.

She wondered how exactly she would manage with the mark should it not be contained before it managed to kill her even if she did return.

As far as she knew, there was no medical term for such a thing.

Would the mark be defined as an infection? It certainly had a sickly hue that one would associate with an infection.

She would probably have to be quarantined once back on board Enterprise for the overall safety of the crew either way.

Maybe it would be called a disease, although she doubted that seeing as it appeared to be contained to just her one hand and so far had not spread to anyone else.

When it came to the people around her, she had found herself an uneasy acquaintance with the people for the most part.

Others, such as Josephine, she found were not as disagreeable as many of the others.

Cassandra was much too emotional for her to deal with more often than not and Leliana was much too secretive for her tastes.

Aside from her unease surrounding the two women, she dealt with it accordingly.

Josephine, ever the diplomat, intrigued her and tried to not ask as many questions as the others often did.

She did, however, provide information on the happenings of the world, doing her best to _catch T'Pol up on everything_ as she assumed T'Pol was a member of the Qun and had little to no knowledge of anything outside of Par Vollen.

Her supposed connection to the Qun had the Commander, Cullen, on edge as soon as he was told.

His body language gave away his unease when Cassandra mentioned that she appeared to be a member of such, unwilling to confirm or deny that, she simply stared at the man when his hand found its way to the hilt of his sword.

When it came to Solas, he was a great source of information on a thing he called _the fade_ , even if he did appear to be hiding something.

Then there was Varric, he reminded her a lot of some of the crew members of the Enterprise as he tried mercilessly to get her to smile, eventually deeming to give her the nickname _Giggles_.

***

"Yanno, Boss, If I didn't know better, I'd take you for a member of the Qun," Bull said offhandedly as they sat around a table in the tavern talking and drinking.

"What makes you say that?" T'Pol asked without looking up at him.

Bull adjusted himself in his seat before speaking.

"You're not skittish when it comes to demons, and you just don't quite have that feel about you."

"Wait, so Giggles isn't one of your guys?" Varric couldn't help but ask.

Dorian chuckled a bit, "I'd certainly hope not, she's much too terrifying as it is."

Cassandra chose just that time to chime in.

"But, you said you were a member of the Qun." the accusation in her voice was clear.

"I never stated this, you had simply chosen to take my silence on the matter as confirmation of such," T'Pol pointed out.

"Boss, you'd make one hell of a Ben-Hassrath with that evasiveness you got going on."

***

Meanwhile, on the Enterprise, Captain Archer was nursing a headache and silently hoping the away team wouldn't mind their being so late to pick them up.

"They'll be fine Captain, so what if we end up being two and a half weeks late on pick up, I bet they're relaxing on a beach somewhere right now and enjoying the sunshine."

"I hope you're right, Chef," Archer shook his head.

"Believe me, they'll be fine, if they're upset about us being late then just tell them the distress call came with a bit of a detour where we had to chaperone an alien empress back to her home planet, I'm sure they'll understand."

***

It had been quite a few days with no replies to any of her attempts at communication.

Every time she had the chance, she attempted to contact any member of the crew that she could.

Each time she did try, she did not succeed.

T'Pol could only hope that the others were still alive somewhere on this planet that she was stuck on.

***

"You sure are handling this whole _being in charge_ thing well," Varric pointed out as they walked through the Hinterlands.

"Yes, you've taken to it like a fish to water," Dorian chuckled.

T'Pol was starting to become thankful that she had been aboard a human vessel for long enough to understand a majority of their strange sayings, especially since these people used a majority of the same ones.

"I have had training for such a position," T'Pol admitted.

Before anyone could comment on that revelation, they heard the sound of nearby fighting.

"You dirty fighting little fucker, no bitin'!" one of the voices yelled as they got closer

"Trip?" T'Pol whispered before she picked up speed and dashed forward towards the sound of fighting.

***

Malcolm let loose another arrow just as one of the unarmed men he had shot earlier had bitten Trip's ankle.

"Mean little bastards, aren't they?" he asked as Trip ran his blade through the man's ribs.

"Mean ain't the word for 'em!"

Before they knew what had happened, the remaining two attackers were dead on the ground, one with a slit throat and one with a small blade sticking out of his back.

The sudden change immediately put them on edge.

"Trip, are you hurt?" Hoshi asked as she slowly walked up beside him, gripping a staff tightly in her hands.

"Just a little bitemark, nothing to worry about," he said as he continued to slowly scan the area around them.

"Trip?" a voice called out, causing him to whip his head toward the direction which it came from.

"T'Pol?"

"Oh Commander, am I ever glad to see you," Malcolm laughed.

T'Pol stepped out of the treeline carefully, "Are any of you injured?"

"Trip just got bit by an angry native," Hoshi quickly told her.

"I always knew these Southerners could be barbaric, but biting?" A man in rather nice robes stepped up behind T'Pol, "That's simply taboo." he turned his nose up at the mere thought.

"Friends of yours, Giggles?" A second man asked.

T'Pol nodded, "I suppose you could say that," she started before turning her attention to Hoshi.

"Aifa sutra dva-tor me dvel-tor k' ish-veh odva's oekon." (Vulcan: These people believe me chosen by their religion's god.)

Hoshi nodded in silent reply.

"Have you heard from Captain Archer?" Malcolm asked, breaking the uneasy tension following the two women's conversation.

"No, I had quite thought you three were dead."

"Want to introduce us to your mysterious friends?" Dorian shifted on his feet as he crossed his arms.

T'Pol nodded, "Yes, this is armory officer Lieutenant Malcolm Reed, communications officer Ensign Hoshi Sato, and Commander Charles Tucker."

"Wait, I thought one of them just called you _Commander_?" Varric halted introductions.

"Because her title is technically Commander too," Malcolm told the dwarf.

T'Pol nodded before continuing her introductions, "This is a fraction of the crew I serve alongside, and these are my present traveling companions, Cole, Author Varric Tethras, and Altus Dorian Pavus."

"Finally someone that doesn't mistakenly take me for a Magister."

"The three of you should return to our camp, someone will see to your injuries there," T'Pol told the three Starfleet officers.

"Sorry if I don't seem all that convinced that they're friendly, seeing as every damn living thing we've met so far has tried to kill us, even a fucking tree," Trip protested.

He tried to step forward but the ankle he had been bitten on earlier gave out from under him.

Hoshi grabbed onto the arm closest to her and T'Pol quickly caught his other, successfully keeping him from falling face-first into the mud.

"You don't have to trust them, you just have to trust me," T'Pol told him quietly before pulling his arm over her shoulder and waving Malcolm over to support his other side while they escorted him back to the campsite.

***

Archer had just walked back onto the bridge when he noticed a few of his officers tapping away at their consoles with scowls on their faces.

"You still can't get through to them?"

"No, sir, there appears to be a spacial distortion of some kind on the surface that won't let us get a message through."

"Must be the anomalies they were studying," Archer nodded, "Keep trying, with any luck we'll get ahold of them or they'll get ahold of us before we get back to that solar system to pick them up."

***

"We've been here for like four freaking weeks, Commander, with no word from Enterprise, don't blame me for not being overly optimistic," Trip told T'Pol once they had enough privacy.

"You might think this, but in reality, we have only been here for a few days."

Hoshi stepped forward, "She's right, that makes so much more sense, days here are short in comparison to what we're used to, that's why each day seems to be going by so fast," she explained.

T'Pol nodded an affirmation, "The interval at which an hour passes here would be equal to a few minutes were we onboard Enterprise."

***

"Not that I'm complaining, but why are we trekking through the mud like this?" Trip asked as his newly acquired boots sunk into the mud.

T'Pol didn't turn her attention to him, instead opting to watch her feet for fear of losing her balance.

"I recall specifically telling you that you were under no obligation to come with us."

"Herald, do all of your past companions have such poor judgment?" Vivienne questioned her.

"Strong words coming from you, _Darling_." He sneered in reply.

Vivienne turned her attention to him immediately, "I beg your pardon?"

"You heard me."

***

Archer walked onto the bridge as soon as he got the news.

"You have their bio signs?"

"Only T'Pol's for sure, Captain."

He tilted his head for a second before speaking again.

"Okay, but what about the others?"

"Unfortunately a large majority of the natives in that area appear to have human biology, so we can't get a lock on them quite as easily."

"Any luck getting a message down to them then?"

The officer shook his head, "No, and all we've gotten from the surface is just a bunch of static, but we're still working on it."

Archer simply nodded his reply before taking his seat.

**Author's Note:**

> This is tagged as a one-shot at present simply because I do not know where I had originally planned on going with this and since I have not watched the show for quite a while, nor played dragon age for a good bit, I believe to best continue I should refresh myself when it comes to the content before even attempting to continue this fanfiction. I do ask that you not get your hopes up about this being continued any time soon however due to my various other projects and fanfictions being prioritized over this.


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